Evil vs. God

All throughout my childhood people had the power to control and hurt me. How can I trust God? After all He wasn’t powerful enough to stop them. People have consistently overruled Him in my life and gotten away with it. How can I trust Him? If God has more power than man, how does it work?

Submitting to and depending on God seem beyond my capacity right now. Be VULNERABLE with God? Oh, no, I have my vulnerability protected and covered up deep inside of me.

I believe that everything depends on ME. Hasn’t it always? I MUST BE IN CONTROL.

Because of all the experiences I have had, I have concluded (BELIEVE) that the only one I can depend on is me. It doesn’t seem like the Lord’s power can do much in the face of the control of evil.

This seems to be what I believe, "Lord. My experiences in life have made me believe that the only safe bet is to depend on myself (control.) My head and Your Word tell me this conclusion is not true, that I can trust You, but my heart screams otherwise. I need to have my heart set free. I need to know how Your power works. I WANT to trust YOU, Lord: HELP!"

Because of the way we think, perceive and function, it does seem like evil is more powerful than the Lord because of the painful and abusive things that have happened to us. When we look at physical concrete things, they seem to have the greatest reality. So that if someone can physically overpower and hurt me, and I can’t do anything about it, and it doesn’t make any difference what the Lord says – then it seems like evil has the ultimate power.

But that is the power of darkness and evil in undermining and de-valuing the things of God. Is this conclusion going to stand? Does it have the ultimate word?

At the time of the incidents, yes. But can it wipe out the image of God in me? Can it destroy my responsiveness to love and the nature of God if I get a chance to vote on that?

The evil CAN damage and confuse and threaten and cause fear – BUT IT CANNOT WIPE OUT MY SPIRIT OR MY LIFE OR CHANGE THE WAY I AM MADE.  IT CANNOT OVERCOME THE LIGHT OF GOD IN ME.

It can also convince me that I should vote for having that kind of power myself (control,) so that others can’t have it over me. It appears that if I agree with the Lord, then evil, being stronger, will overpower the Lord and me. These are satan’s plantings.

As a child we have no understanding of our spiritual lives or enough of a handle on our connection with God to provide any security. But we automatically relate to the physical world surrounding us.

Our parents are supposed to reflect God to us, not in an absolute way, but in a like-Him way. That’s how the parental situation is supposed to be and to some degree creation does reflect that. But when some of these physical things happen to us that overpower our personhood totally and disregard it and stomp on it, that of course looks like the most powerful thing.

The truth is that no matter what is done to a person physically, what is underneath cannot be wiped out: that which is the image of God in us and the potential that God places in us. Evil can make it very, very difficult for the person to embrace or believe that pocket of truth within, but there is no one, who once they peel back the many layers that cover it, won’t find intact there this spirit of God breathed into him. That cannot be changed. God breathed into us His Spirit. That word means a little puff, a portion of Himself.

It is our spirit that connects and relates to and is most responsive to God. That is there and it has to be there or we would be dead. It actually gives life to everything else.

It can be broken and wounded, but no man can kill it. Which says – who has the power? Everything else that happens to our spirit is distortion and deception. If you say to me, "You are bad and not worth anything," that is not true. That CANNOT be true because God made me out of His valuing and connection to Him. Sometimes it SEEMS true, but underneath all of whatever has happened is this little piece that is intact, and that God is in the process of restoring.

The hardest part of the process is restoring it in our own belief – our recognition of the truth within ourselves. The fact is that this central core of our being IS kept by the power of God. He is acting to restore it to us and it is a mighty battle because the lies LOOK so convincing and so true and so powerful.

So what must I do to make this transition from trusting myself to trusting God?  I must let the Lord help me bring my heart and mind, my adult and childhood parts, my control and vulnerability, together in balance--joined and functioning in harmony and mutual regard.  Both would be allowed to live, with the controlling part’s role being to hear and care, to instruct and encourage, rather than to control.

It is exhausting to continue to believe that everything depends on me. And beyond that it is downright impossible! I cannot succeed or perform to the standard that I set for myself. All I do is try, try, try and try some more. It is an unrealistic expectation from the start. The "All depends on me" view of life and personhood is beyond what is humanly possible. We need to depend on others, working together, and all of this under depending on the Lord.

Once I recognize both parts of me can live – control and vulnerability – how do I then bring these under the umbrella of the authority of the Lord?

The light IS truly greater than the darkness. When I can allow Jesus to join me to look at those terrifying places, I see that the light that comes from Him is kind, loving, warm, gentle. How is it that THAT has power over the evil and the physical overpowering?

If I continue to listen to the lies of the dark side or try to do it myself, these needs are never met.

JESUS alone has the power to restore. He waits patiently, yet eagerly to walk with me on the path to healing.