Forgiving Myself

Many issues in our lives require the Lord’s forgiveness, and ALSO that I forgive myself. Often the latter is harder. I feel I am the one in control, I should have known better, I know it was my fault. . .I. . . I. . . I . . .

It is very hard to let go. This relates to the initial sin element of me thinking I know or that I should know. BUT I CAN’T! I cannot know everything; I cannot be in control. That is the level of weakness I have as a person. Forgiving myself really wars with this whole control thing.

If I cannot accept that I have that level of weakness – that I am not in control and can’t know everything – then I certainly cannot forgive myself for falling short. But I must if I’m going to go free. And God wants me to go free. But I cannot allow that – "it’s not fair. . .that’s not ok. . .I shouldn’t have done that. . .I should have done better. . .it’s my fault". . .etc. It is so hard for us to let go and receive forgiveness and grace AND to give ourselves grace and mercy.

To forgive myself goes hand in hand with feeling insecure. Forgiving myself acknowledges my weakness and that I can’t do any better.* This point is very threatening; this is the control stuff.

Often the only place we can start is, "Lord, I can see I need to forgive myself, but my heart is like granite. I need to have my heart for myself softened. Please do this; I cannot do it myself."

* Note: We need to make a distinction between “doing better” as an outcome of growth in the Lord—learning from Him, moving into agreement with Him—and this article’s discovery that we are not able to do better on our own. It speaks of the heart acknowledgement that we cannot come into agreement and transformation without Him. As we connect with, receive from, and follow the Lord, indeed we can do better. That “doing better” is not a statement of our ability, and it certainly is not a condition for our being valued by the Lord. It is a simple outcome of being loved by Him and loving Him back.