One morning at church a man gave a testimony. He was healed from chronic back pain and from gallstones, which he was in the process of scheduling surgery to remove. He said: “I fully expected to be healed.” When he said that, it really hit my heart. I felt that I was more in a place of waiting to see if it will happen so I can believe.

The following morning, with that testimony still stirring around, I was asking: “Lord what is the next step in believing You, not hampering You or protecting me?” I got the sense that I was to rise up and believe all He said, to expect Him to move, to depend on Him to use what He gave me, to break through and trust that it will produce outcomes I may not see or understand. He wanted me to have the kind of faith I exercise in prayer sessions, where I fully expect Him to show up and do something that advances the person’s healing and knowledge of Him. It ignited a desire, but there was also anxiety over not feeling able to do that. “Lord, I want to live over there in all areas. Are You saying that there is some part of my heart that can invest in that way?”

Following that question I saw a little hand and forearm reaching out of tremendous rubble. I thought of the twin towers rubble, but it was not that immense, not the unleashing of evil without measure, but rather ignorance and insensitivity, assisted by evil wanting to magnify them, and working to bury and immobilize my faith.

I knew I needed to clear away the rubble and access the one the hand belonged to. When I got there, I heard: “I don’t want my faith in the goodness of God buried and cut off anymore. I want out of here, and I want to USE my measure of faith. He gave it to me; I want to USE it!” That is what was stirring in my heart when I heard the testimony, but I could barely hear it.

I (my mind, controlling adult) said to that part of my heart (commune with your heart—Ps. 77:6, in case you wonder how this is scriptural), “I desperately need you to help me. How glad I am to see you; I thought you got wiped out. I don’t think I knew you existed.”

“Buried and silenced, but not destroyed. Faith pushes back darkness, declares and affirms the light and grace and delivering power of God over the works of darkness. Our God did not put these things on you. Let’s believe Him and His word of cleansing and healing and deliverance. I push back the darkness in Jesus’ name; you have no jurisdiction here anymore because of what HE did for me. I declare that in the name of Jesus, in the power and authority of Jesus.

Moreover, everything that was stolen must be paid back 7 times over. His light EASILY puts out the darkness, EASILY! It is a matter of believing HIM, which I do!

Don’t lay down and settle for so little of what He wants to give you—receive ALL the provision He has for you in the calling HE has given you. He chose it. He anoints those He calls with His Spirit. That is the case for you! Rise up, USE all the gifts He has given you. They will be sufficient because HE is sufficient!”

There was tremendous energy and conviction in the exhortation I heard from “Faith.” I said: “You are amazing! I am so glad to have you back. How I have needed you and didn’t really know you were there.”

“He has come to get me, whatever it takes. Everything depends on me being alive and well.”

I said to the Lord: “Wow, Lord. What a revelation! Faith, expectation and confidence get buried just like tenderness and vulnerability do. But they can be retrieved also, and can have new life breathed into them. Praise God!

This part of me believes God and has no patience with works of darkness, saying: “I do not belong buried, but out here in the authority of my Lord, agreeing with Him, believing Him for His business to be carried out, acting on what HE says.”

In light of all of this I looked again at the Scripture in Romans 12:3b, 6

…God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith.

I was also greatly touched by 2 Cor. 4:13

And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak…

In the weeks that have followed this interaction, I have frequently checked in with Faith, and am regularly blessed, reminded, and strengthened in the face of sizeable challenges.

This all goes with the Scripture about the power of faith the size of a mustard seed. My tendency has been to ask for more faith, rather then energetically invest the measure I have—a mustard seed will do. By this, I’m sure you know I do not mean an intellectual agreement with the truth of Scripture and the Lord; I mean a faith that comes from the depths of my heart, that has been bailed out and can no longer be deterred. I have had the intellectual agreement all along, but it does not have the energy this has. Another way to say it is, no amount of intellectual assent equals the deep heart belief that God is true, no matter what it looks like out there.

I see this clearly. Now comes living it out. Pray for me—that Faith will be more and more released in all areas of my life in the Lord, and I pray that the Lord will use this witness to further free each of you.

Love in Jesus,

Suzan Jerome
suzanpcm@verizon.net